DIABLO III
A non Diablo-ectic look at diablo 3.
Let me start this review off with a little story. Once upon a time there was man called Burrhus Frederic Skinner, he wanted to grow up and become a professor in psychology, so he did. But that wasn't enough because much like his influences before him, he needed something else, something more. So he decided to create a box, not an X-box, not an match box just a regular old box. What was peculiar about this box was that inside it was a button and dispenser. What did he do with the said box? He stuck a bird in it and as it familiarised itself with its surroundings, it discovered the button and naturally due to his curiosity, it pressed the button.
What happened next, you ask? Well a treat popped out for the bird consume, the bird ,hungry for more, soon realised that the button had a connection with the treats coming out and proceeded to repetitively press the button in hope that he would receive food, he had been conditioned to press the button.
Thus B.F.Skinner discovered Operant conditioning: Learning through the results of rewards and consequences and the first hack and slash, action adventure game had been created. Yes, you, you lot who have played this game are comparable to a bird in a box pushing a button in monotony.You dumb bunch of blundering bird brains.
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Didn't think I'd find this picture of you, did ya?
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Now what exactly is a Diablo? Well, you see that big demon on the front of the box? Yeah, that's a Diablo apparently, a little intimidating, no? After some intensive research**, it turns out he/she/it wants to kill us all.
**(actual conversation: [Meanwhile on alderaan] ME:Yo Jimmeh!!!, I presume this big old demon on the box is Diablo, and I suppose that it wants to kill us all, is that right?" "Probably."-Jimmy 2014 Vote 4 President,)
Yes ,as you have guessed I haven't played this game much, because I have a attention span this long: "-" and all the grinding and filler would make me shoot a goat with the pickle. Yes, I'm sure it has an excellent story and I'm sure it's got interesting Diablo-gue but if I wanted a long arduous task in exchange for a decent story I'd read the Odysseys. I'd get all the game-play through actually trying to figure out what half of the mess is supposed to mean and it features proper dual wielding with trying to read the book in one hand and looking up the words in a dictionary in the other.
As for the story in a very brief nutshell for dummies w/o the Diablo-gram, big baddies locked up by voodoo wizard monks and arch-angel Tyrael, big baddies freed later and feel very insecure so Diablo Diablolically possesses the Burger King. Burger Kings son Diablo-gnoses his disease as the Crazy persons disease and he kills the Burger King. But he didn't know that crazy person disease was Diablo-dermic and caught it himself. He frees the other baddies: Baal and Mephisto and the good guys find that out the hard way by arriving too late and having to seal Mephisto.
The good guys travel to hell and lay the smack-down on Diablo. Then the good guys travel to Arreat and find out that one of the bad guys ,Baal, had corrupted the world-stone (lolwut?) so archangel Tyrael decided to lay the smack down on the world-stone, sadly Tyrael was only trained in the art of predatory martyrdom and ended up blowing up the mountain as well as himself and Baal to the bone. Now it is up to you to save the day or whatever...
Diablo 3 uses a hybrid of an overhead/isometric view, the art style is very nice and you can tell that they worked very hard on all of it from the autumn trees to directional blood splatters, a fantastic job overall. The particle effects are my personal favourite with those beams and blades coming out in a varying types of colours, shapes and sizes.
The music produced for this game is very captivating and there seems to be a piece for every occasion whether it be hunting down the hiding demon lord Belial, meeting the arch-angel Tyrael or facing off against Diablo herself. It's epicness is enough to knock the wind out of anybodies Diablo-phragm.
As you can most probably tell I don't enjoy these types of games as I do not feel enjoyment out of comparing trousers or beating on small mobs and I do not know why, I enjoy dynasty warriors in which you have to beat endless wave of goons but maybe it's the view that has got me, I think I prefer having the camera either behind or as the person as I feel more involved rather than just looking down upon people.
Is it worth the purchase? I'm not sure, I feel that this game is a sufferer of the Marmite curse where-in you must love it or hate it, there is no middle ground. So I can't say if it's any good or not, the only way to see is to play it or try Path of Exile which plays similarly to the 2nd Diablo game for small price of nothing. Only other thing I can do is tell you is the price of it, with that being £30-£50 for consoles or if you are a possessor of the fabled PC an adequate amount of £15-20 pound seeing as it is almost 2 YEARS*** old now. ***I'm not going to sugar coat it in case you suffer from Diablo-betes.
* because it's crap, Huehuehue!
http://www.english-for-students.com/dia.html- for your translating pleasure....