Hannibal Rysing

The Dark Centurion-RYSES Son of drone

Have you ever wanted to travel back in time, back to a time of ancient philosophy, when military tactics were mightier than the pen. No? GOOD, you don't want typhoid do you?!!! If you do then go get Total BORE: Groan 2, you frakkin' NERD, what is this the history channel? we don't need your stinking historical accuracy here, you damn hippies!

We're all over this, what we need are pretty visuals and strictly linear game-play along with scripted events, turret segments.

 JUST LIKE MA USED TO MAKE!! 

  Pop it the oven, wait a good 2-3 hours and you're done. One flashy tech demo ready to serve for a single-player campaign, as well as a mediocre multi-player survival mode sprinkled with more helpings of pay to win!!

  In the 3^rd level you ,among other boats, land upon a beach where upon all your allies are shot, fired upon from the cosy fortifications further up the beach. Across the beach you can see people searching for their lost limbs while recovering from the disorientation caused by artillery. An epic scene only made better by the inclusion of the lead role of Bafta nominee Hom Tanks. Sven Squealborg did a number on this one, I tell you this film “Saving Private Rysan” will be a X-Baux office hit.

To fight the enemies (which consists of 7 people CTRL C + CTRL V through out the game) you will mash a varying flurry of light and heavy attacks, once the pain threshold of the enemy has been exceeded, you can perform a quick time event in-which Kratos Marius Titus will promptly execute the enemy in an extremely gory and brutal fashion. After which your space marine Marius Titties will receive a boost in health and fury or focus. This is not the only option though as you can switch between 2 other ones as well consisting of more exp and damage. Yes, there are Testudos in-game but that’s the most you're gonna get tactics wise, otherwise it's a simple case of: Oooh, Ooooooooh!!! Hit them,hit them, hit them with the pointy end!!! Yeah!!! Now smack your shield!!

The game world is pretty, it would be unfair to deny it that better looking than Skyrim (un-modded) and the lighting nothing shy of amazing. The sound assets are well done pretty well, the thuds of the arrows give them the appearance of having real impact. I am especially impressed with the jiggle physics on the barbarians pot bellies and man boobs as they really add another dimension to the whole feel of the game.

I have also noticed the lack of blood in game, which I find mildly irritating, I mean you've been hacking off peoples limbs and the puddles aren't worthy of a leaky pipe never mind an entire arm, what are these swords magic or something, gonna cauterise the wound for the big bad barbarian. I sure hope it doesn't get infected don't want him to go home in a coffin. I feel this may have been done to increase performance or maybe lower the age rating of the game. NOT THAT IT MATTERS, THE GAME IS ALREADY 18+, YOU'RE ALREADY CUTTING OFF PEOPLES LIMBS IT CAN'T GET MUCH WORSE.

 The character variation in the gooks is very lacking, as by the time you have finished this game you'll be able name, shame, describe and recite their war cries to a T.

 Do I like this game? Well it's not bad, it could be better but it's not bad. It's in that grey bland area of mediocrity amongst Calls-field #23: Duty of the shooting and Mine-craft clone #224. It is the Oblivion(Tom Cruise film) of the video game world (name withstanding), a frankenstein made up of the best parts of other games, without all the emotion.

  I don't think this game knows what it wants to be, I feel it wants to be cinematic but it doesn't have much personality, a very cookie cutter story. It is set in historical times but not enough research has gone into it to appeal to history nerds. It may possibly want to be appeal to dudebros but you're playing as freaking Romans, they have no interest in that, they only care about football and Call of Duty.

  Who wants to play as a dumb Roman when across the pond you can see Kratos ripping out Cyclops eyes, Dante volleying enemies with his absurd combos or even space marines tearing Orcs a new one for £8-£15, perhaps I've been spoiled by all these radical titles such as GoreofWar III or Warhammer 40k Space Marine.

 Ironically much like the Roman empire itself the game has spread itself too thin, with it not really specialising in anything. Don't buy it, at least not yet, to me it feels like an over-hyped launch game which was made solely for showing off the systems graphic potential. Save yourself £30 and get a different beat em up game.